Hot Sauce: Mark Stone fought, and Buffalo's power play didn't

Buffalo has had 13 power plays this season and scored on exactly none of them. I've had jury duty that was more productive, and at least they gave me a sandwich.

Look, that's take two. We start mild and work up to the one that gets me yelled at in a parking lot.

1. I owe Anaheim an apology. This is as close as I get.

Last month the Ducks gave up ten to San Jose in an exhibition, and I made a LinkedIn joke about their goalie coach. Naturally they're 3-1. Beckett Sennecke, Mikael Granlund and Jackson LaCombe each have a point in all four games, by our count.

Friday in Winnipeg they scored five on 17 shots, and the first three came from Judd Caulfield, Tim Washe and Sam Colangelo. I had to look up two of them, and I'm not saying which two. Grade: B-plus. Fine. A-minus.

2. Buffalo's power play is a rumor.

It's 0-for-13 through four games, per NHL data, which is a small sample and a large embarrassment. Thursday the Sabres outshot Dallas 26-18, got three power plays and lost 4-0. Tage Thompson has 23 shots in four games, so somebody over there is trying.

Everywhere else the extra man is an advantage, and in Buffalo it's a two-minute moment of silence. Buddy, I'm begging you, decline the penalty, because they let you do that in football. Grade: D.

3. Detroit outshoots everybody and loses to them anyway.

The Red Wings have played four games, all at home, and won exactly one while outshooting the other guys 133-97, by our count. Friday it was 40-24 over Seattle and a 6-3 loss. The Kraken scored four in under ten minutes, and John Gibson got the hook after stopping 10 of 15.

The penalty kill is at 62.5 percent. Marcus says the cap sheet is clean, which is tremendous news. Somebody frame it and hang it in front of the net. Grade: D-plus.

4. Vancouver's penalty kill isn't killing anything. It's barely annoying it.

The Canucks have allowed eight goals on 19 opposing power plays. That's 57.9 percent, by our count, and I've seen screen doors with better numbers.

Thursday in Carolina they gave up three power-play goals, and then Logan Stankoven scored shorthanded during Vancouver's own power play. They've allowed 25 goals in five games, and Elias Pettersson has a point in all five for a team that's 2-3 anyway, which is bringing a casserole to a house fire.

Kevin Lankinen is at .796, and Leevi Meriläinen is sitting right there at .941 in three appearances. I'm no goalie coach, but I can read a menu. Grade: F.

5. The Panthers win the Atlantic anyway, and I hate it here.

There's no Barkov, there's no Marchand for six weeks, and the power play is 1-for-23. Florida is 2-0-2 anyway, with all four on the road.

Jacob Markstrom has a .929, and Seth Jones is playing 27.7 minutes a night, by our count. That isn't a workload anymore, that's a second job.

The home opener is tonight against Minnesota. I've seen this movie before, and Boston never gets the sequel. Florida will be on top of the division at Thanksgiving, and every guy in Sunrise who used to own a Bruins sweater will tell me about it. Grade: A-minus, through my teeth.

Bruins tax: Boston has been outshot 148-121 and is 3-2 anyway, because Jeremy Swayman has a .932. That's not a system, that's one guy picking up the tab for the entire table.

Fight of the week

Mark Stone, and it's not close. Tuesday in Seattle he scored shorthanded and set up a power-play goal, and then he fought Brandon Montour with Vegas up four in the third. That's a Gordie Howe hat trick, the highest honor I recognize, from a guy who'd already won the game. I score it for Stone, unanimously.

The undercard: Oliver Bjorkstrand scored twice against the Islanders in nine minutes of ice time, then fought Adam Pelech with 13 seconds left. That's two goals, a tilt and no assist, and I've never been madder at a guy for not sharing.

Kept off the sheet

All minutes by our count.

• Matt Boldy, Minnesota: 21.3 a night, 19 shots, zero points in four games. I've had scratch tickets like that, and he's in Sunrise tonight.

• Robert Thomas, St. Louis: 20.2 a night, five shots, zero points. He isn't being kept off the sheet so much as actively avoiding it.

• Sam Reinhart, Florida: 22.0 a night, zero points. Last week I compared him to a parking meter, and the meter has since expired.

Not a real award

The Nobody's Home Trophy for Scoring on an Unoccupied Net goes to Nashville's Adam Edstrom, who scored two empty-netters 71 seconds apart in Montreal on Thursday. Runner-up: Alexis Lafrenière, whose hat trick against the Islanders ended with two more, 32 seconds apart.

That's two goals apiece with nobody in the crease, and Buffalo's power play would like to know how it's done. I said what I said.