The Flames are 0-5, and the kept-off-the-sheet list starts there

Look, it's October. Everybody tells you not to panic in October. Those people have not watched the Calgary Flames.

Five games, five losses. Eight goals for, 27 against. That's a minus-19, by our count, which is the kind of number you usually see on a thermometer in Calgary in January, not on a standings page in the first week.

The Flames, a study in commitment

The Flames lost their opener 6-1 at home to Seattle. Then 4-1 in Vancouver. Then 6-1 in Seattle, because apparently once wasn't enough. Then 7-3 to Colorado and 4-2 to Anaheim on Saturday.

Ryan Huska said after the second Seattle game that the team felt "disconnected." Buddy, I'm begging you, that's what you say about your cable box. Five games in, it's a hockey team that can't find its own net.

Joel Farabee had the best line of the week: "Nobody's coming to save us." He's right. Nobody is. They checked.

Dustin Wolf has a .816 save percentage in three starts and gave up six in each of his first two. I'm not putting this one on the goalie, though. When a team leaves you alone that often, it's not a slump, it's a custody arrangement.

Grade: F. Not F-minus. That's reserved for the Leafs, and I don't hand those out in October.

Kept off the sheet

The roll call of guys eating real minutes and getting nothing for it, by our count from the NHL's game logs:

• Timo Meier, Devils: 22 shots in four games, zero goals. I've seen fewer misses at a carnival ring toss, and those are rigged.

• Mikael Backlund, Flames: 18 shots, one goal, 17.7 minutes a night. He's the hardest-working guy on a team that's 0-5, which is like being the best swimmer on the Titanic.

• Robert Thomas, Blues: one point in five games on 19.8 minutes a night. The Blues are paying for a playmaker and getting a very expensive witness.

• Sam Reinhart, Panthers: zero points in five games on 21.6 minutes a night, the most ice time of any pointless forward in the league. Marcus has the full power-play autopsy with the cap math, and he's nicer about it than I'm going to be. Two Cups in Sunrise, so he gets a week of grace. One week.

Not a real award

The Plastic Rat Memorial Trophy for Stopping Absolutely Nothing goes to Ukko-Pekka Luukkonen, who has a .782 save percentage in three starts for Buffalo. That's not a save percentage. That's a C-minus on a driver's test.

And here's the fun part: Buffalo gets the Panthers on Monday, and Florida's power play is 1-for-28. Something has to give. My money is on the Sabres' crease, because it's been giving all week.

The read

The Flames are the story because nobody else is this bad this fast. Huska's seat isn't hot yet, but it's preheating, and Calgary fans have been patient through a lot.

Meier will score, probably three in one night, and I'll have to call him "one of the best in the league, I don't want to hear it." Reinhart will score, too. That's the problem with this list. Everybody gets off it eventually, except the Flames.

I said what I said.