Hot Sauce: Edmonton needs a goalie and Matthews needs a point

Devon Levi stopped 15 of 22 shots on Thursday and got the win. That's a .682, which is a tragedy for a goaltender and still nothing special for a guy at the free-throw line.

Look, one week of regular-season hockey is officially in the books, and I've got opinions on all of it.

1. The Bruins are 2-0. Clear the Causeway.

Jeremy Swayman has stopped 54 of 57 by our count, and JJ Peterka has scored in both games. On Friday he won it in overtime, after Winnipeg was still leading with 1:38 left in regulation.

Somebody blew a late lead in a Bruins game and for once it wasn't the Bruins, so I didn't know what to do with my hands. Peterka's a 50-goal guy and Swayman's a Vezina guy, book it. Grade: A. The schedule says there are 82 more of these, and we'll deal with that later.

2. Bettman is mad that players read their own contracts.

The commissioner went on the radio Thursday and said players picking their destinations "was never the original intention" of the no-trade clause. Brad Marchand answered in two words: "Broken system."

Gary's own GMs hand those clauses out like Halloween candy, and now he's stunned the kids have a sugar high. The grown-up version says it's an opening bid. Grade: D.

Bruins tax: Boston shipped Marchand out at the 2025 deadline for a conditional second-round pick, and nobody held a press conference about the original intention that afternoon.

3. Edmonton's goalies are stopping 71 percent. The rest is on the scoreboard.

Two games against Vancouver: 14 goals for, 13 against. Tristan Jarry and Levi have stopped 32 of 45 between them, a .711 by our count. Evan Bouchard has eight points already and Connor McDavid had five in a single night, and all of that production has bought Edmonton exactly one win.

Gord says Hellebuyck doesn't fit under the cap. Fine, then try a sheet of plywood, because it fits anywhere and it never goes down early. Grade: C-minus.

4. Carolina raised a banner and hasn't raised anything since.

The champs are 0-1-1 with two goals in two games and a power play that's 1-for-12, by our count. They lost banner night with 4.3 seconds left in overtime, then lost by three to a Washington team that blocked 28 shots.

I write for a Florida site now, and these people have been unbearable since Tuesday. The worst part is they've earned it. Grade: D-plus. Nice banner, though. Really ties the rink together.

5. Chicago won't win 20 games.

The Blackhawks have been outscored 11-2 and outshot 69-41 through two games. In Utah they managed 15 shots and won 27.8 percent of the faceoffs. I've won more draws at a church raffle.

Patrick Kane came back to Chicago for this. He scored in the opener, then played 19:19 in Utah without registering a single shot. Buddy, I'm begging you, check the return policy. Grade: F. F-minus is reserved for the Leafs, who are .500 and wrecking my whole system.

Fight of the week

I gave the belt to Tkachuk and Trouba on Friday and I'm not taking it back, but the undercard was better than most main events.

Nathan MacKinnon had two goals and eight shots against the Kings. Then, with Colorado up 6-4 in the third, he fought Brandt Clarke, his first fight in four years. I score it for MacKinnon, mostly because he'd already scored twice himself.

Friday had three more. Sean Durzi had a goal and a fight in Detroit, and Mark Kastelic had an assist and a fight in Winnipeg. Between them, that's one complete Gordie Howe hat trick, so somebody make a trade.

Kept off the sheet

All minutes by our count.

• Auston Matthews, Toronto: two games, 42:38, four shots, zero points, minus-2. Igor Shesterkin has outscored him, and Shesterkin wears pillows on his legs.

• Sam Reinhart, Florida: two games, 44:30, zero points, with 14:32 of that on the power play. I've seen guys get more done with a parking meter.

• Mikko Rantanen, Dallas: 22:10, one shot, minus-2 in a 4-0 loss at home. Eight of those minutes were on the power play. That's not a man advantage, that's a nap.

• Trevor Zegras, Philadelphia: two games, 33:37, two shots, zero points. Speaking of Philadelphia.

Not a real award

The Self-Checkout Trophy for Doing the Other Team's Job goes to the Flyers, who lost their home opener 7-0 to Pittsburgh. On one of the seven, Nick Robertson missed the net shorthanded, the puck bounced off the end boards, and Dan Vladar kicked it in himself.

Rick Tocchet called it "the worst D-zone I've seen." He was being polite. The trophy scans its own groceries and still rings them up wrong.

Somebody get Edmonton a goalie and Chicago a puck. A .682 and a win, in this economy. I said what I said.